Hey, I am CH — and today I felt very bad.
That bad that I couldn’t stop myself from writing about it.
I just want to come out of it — forget it like it never happened.
The Exam Day
I sat for the exam.
Holding my question paper, my face probably had the same question mark drawn all over it.
I wrote whatever I understood.
But after the tenth question, my hands started losing their bravery to write any more.
My ink was losing its ink,
and my mind — its interest.
For a moment, I thought maybe failing completely is better than scoring less.
But then again, how could I just leave things as they were?
Calling Myself Average — But Not in a Bad Way
Yes, I consider myself an average student —
but not in a sad or demotivating way.
I don’t compare myself with anyone when I say that.
I call myself average because I know I have the potential
to cross whatever boundaries are defined for me.
But today, I felt defeated.
Not satisfied.
I felt like my soul had all the strength to climb mountains,
But my body refused to follow.
Those Sleepless Nights
It’s not like I didn’t study.
I did — very hard.
Till 2 a.m. I studied.
Sleep kept knocking at my eyes,
but I pushed it away again and again.
I tried to understand everything, and I did —
But maybe I crossed my threshold.
I overtrained myself.
Because in the exam, my mind didn’t perform as it was supposed to.
It froze.
I know it’s a small thing,
but to me, it meant a lot.
And even if I couldn’t figure everything out perfectly,
I’m still satisfied that I tried.
I take that as my responsibility.
When Effort Turned into Exhaustion
All those late nights, endless revisions,
and extra topics I crammed in —
they blurred together when I needed them the most.
The questions looked familiar,
but my answers just didn’t fit.
Afterward, I closed myself in my room.
Cried my heart out — slept for hours.
Maybe to find peace — or maybe to let go.
And then I decided to write.
Meeting My Future Self
While writing, I saw another version of me.
She hugged me tightly.
I could feel her — her strength, her charm.
She was my future self — strong, happy, cheerful,
having everything she ever wanted.
Curious, multitasking, full of energy.
My companion in my loneliest moments.
Why I’m Writing This
I’m writing this because it’s my reminder —
my way to express what I can’t say aloud.
If I try to speak, my voice will crack,
and maybe my eyes will lose a few more droplets too.
I can’t give up.
Because my child version still believes in me —
the curious, ambitious, studious girl who never stopped dreaming.
And today, I disappointed her —
along with three more people whose opinions matter deeply to me.
I’ve never felt this low before,
because this time, I really did try.
A Promise to Myself
Today, my heart is heavy, and so are my thoughts.
But my future self has challenged me.
And I will come back stronger.
I’m sorry, CH, for today’s performance.
But this isn’t the end.
It’s just a small pause before a stronger return.
✨ Sometimes, failure isn’t a full stop — it’s just a comma between versions of yourself.
This is CH — the 21-year-old version of your junior, signing off for today.
Comments
Post a Comment